Today is the last one in my house. It also means I am closing in on what might possibly be my last few days in Utah. As I write this, the snow is finally falling outside my window- reminding me that any other day I would be up enjoying almost a foot of new snow. But not today. Today I am packing.
I've been trying to avoid leaving the state I love for about a month and a half now, but things seem to be working against me in that direction. It's not that I'm scared of change, nor that I mind moving... it's just... it's ski season. And it's not even that. It's Utah.
I love my state. Everything I want is here- mostly. I miss some people back east, family included, but here I have rock & ice climbing, skiing, mountain biking (this winter we can do all in one day), whitewater kayaking and friendly faces who give you a grin in passing on the trail. People here understand, no explanation needed, why you're out getting dirty, dusty or covered in snow. People here understand why you throw yourself into the elements. People here get why your face only has half a tan and your hair is disheveled- no crazy looks attached.
For the first time ever, I'm scared of change. I'm scared of the east coast- where I will likely be moving this week (yeah, I'm still clinging to Utah as much as I can). I don't know what to expect except what I've already experienced... people the opposite of what I've had here in Utah. I shouldn't generalize, but my whole family is from the eastern seaboard, stretching from Quebec to Florida, and all points in between. While they may admire some of the things I do, they don't agree with the outdoor lifestyle. "Two weeks of paid vacation is plenty of time to enjoy the outdoors!"
Just rip my heart out, why don't you?
It wasn't my choice to leave. In fact, part of it was forced. The other part was fate, though I fought it tooth and nail. I look around at the boxes piled up and the newspaper covering framed photos of my life and wonder if this is all part of some greater purpose. All I know for sure is today is promising to be the best ski day so far this season and I'm writing a post- about moving. While I'm surrounded by hard edges and corners, others are enjoying a day of deep, soft, pillowy white clouds of snow. Irony.
It has come to the point of unbearable. My life's dream is deep in these mountains. My future was wrapped around the rugged crags and peaks. But what can you do when life throws a curveball (or five)?
In order to alleviate the pain, I've dedicated my thoughts to a path of looking at this as an extended The Most Epic Trip. I'm going east to learn new ways to be outdoors, new areas to explore, and perhaps discover an even tighter knit group of outdoor folks. I'm going east to finish the winter season to overcome my fear of skiing on ice (something I never get at Solitude). I'm going east to be with family and get things in order. And finally, I'm going east to build a business that will allow me to never be in this situation again.
This is my home. I moved here for a reason. I don't know why I am being taken away from Utah at this time, but nothing is going to keep me away. *Insert Arnold Schwarzenegger here* My life is tied to these great mountains, this champagne powder, this place filled with friendly faces who understand. Without the outdoors, I cease to be me.
|Fresh snow panorama at Solitude this week|
Utah- go enjoy the snow. Maybe I'll see you out there for one last run.