Who out there has run their own business?
What about three - with a *supposed to be* full time job?
What about three- with a full time job and full time school?
What about that with a computer that keeps crashing, won't edit video, refuses to format documents correctly and with no computer chair to sit in comfortably?
I write this not to receive any adoration or to have you tell me I'm amazing- because I'm not. I'm tired & achy and feeling like I am slowly losing it. I ran two red lights this past week- something I've never done in my life. (I have pretty much cease and desisted from operating a vehicle since then.) Amazing? Not according to Officer Olsen.
I'm writing this because of what it means to try to achieve something you are passionate about and truly believe in. I've given up nearly everything I love to do. I've given up the whole reason why I started my businesses - to be outside more. I've sacrificed skiing and climbing to *gasp* spend more time indoors for a short season so that I'll hopefully soon be able to do the things I love for a living.
It's a gamble... it's a risk. My parents get rushed conversations as I walk to class. My friends have no idea what's going on. My back and knees ache from sitting. My eyes are bloodshot from no sleep and the glare of a monitor. My patience is thin from having a near-worthless computer and struggling to remain efficient and produce quality from it. And the crushing part is that there is no gaurantee that any of what I am sacrificing for will pan out.
Is it worth it?
A resounding YES.
(I say as I try to regain control of the cursor which is skipping around the screen...)
Even when I feel as though I will collapse with extreme fatigue, there's a deep sense of reward tinged with excitement. I look forward to the time I spend creating, fine-tuning and puzzling out various projects. I love the learning and growth I've received from having to discover answers through my own dilligence. There is no one else to do it for me (heck, I can't afford to get groceries, let alone pay for someone to assist me) so every task falls on my own shoulders... and that's okay because I'm learning the ins and outs of something that is important to me.
It's not glamorous. I'm missing all the hours of beauty sleep I could have if I just worked regular hours for someone else. I'm missing out on using my ski pass and climbing with my boyfriend and best friend. I'm missing some RAM in this computer. (I still have a sense of humor... for a while, at least.) And I'm missing - most of all - sitting down and devoting time to a good phone call with my family.
But I do it. I do it because I've tried the 9-5 life and it just didn't sit well with me. I do it because I want to help others through the projects I am working on. I do it because I want to educate. I do it because I believe in people being the catalyst, being the change and living fully and without regrets. I do it because I believe in life, because I believe in dreams and in happiness.
I do it because if I never tried, I would forever pester myself with "what if...?"
And personally, I'll take no sleep over regrets.
What keeps you going?
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. -Romans 5: 3-5
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I am in a similar situation, but not the same of course. I think my biggest struggle is to maintain balance and perspective…and maybe a few hours of sleep.
My actual paying job requires a lot of me. My days are filled with customer meetings, security audits and product deployments. On top of that, I'm required to achieve certain industry certifications, which I'll be testing for one at the end of this week.
The long nights are filled with the struggles of starting a business. I have no idea how you manage 3! I'm constantly worried about making the right decisions so I don't sink this venture before it even begins.
Balance and perspective… doing all of the above while also keeping my body and my spirit healthy. Morning workouts and eating healthy are so hard to do when I'm running this fast, but it's so important. Ministering to the teens in the church, being available when they are in crisis is just as important as any other work I do, and sometimes even more challenging, but so rewarding.
So, I have a sense of where you are at, and I can only imagine the stress your under. But never forget that you have many people in your life who love you, and you can count on them to be there when you stumble and fall.
Do your best to balance things, and persevere, because out of that comes character, and hope.
All my best friend. Peace.
Andy
So many changes in the last (almost) 2 years! Glad we are still friends and you are still lending advice. :)
DeleteSomebody told me once, "When you feel like you have too much stuff on your plate, its easy to freak out and feel like you are losing control. The trouble is that there is only one of you and only a given amount of time in each day. You can't get an extra plate, or an extra you, therefore you only have one plate. The best thing to do is to pray for a bigger plate. That way you can put more stuff on it."
ReplyDeleteTurn your plate into a platter my friend, prioritize your time each day into what is the most important, and wake up knowing that there's a really good chance you won't get "everything" done. Don't become content if you can't accomplish it all. You've got to try to knock it all out but if there is a day when you miss something, you will be able to lay down your head at night knowing that you knocked out the most important stuff, and that the thing(s) that didn't get your attention that day weren't that high on the priority list anyway.
I don't have an answer. Balance eludes me. In fact, I don't think it exists. I say follow your passion--a little (or a lot) of sacrifice is a given. But if you're doing what you love, it will be worth it, crappy computer and all.
ReplyDeleteHa ha, love it, Emily. Totally agree!
DeleteThanks, Mom - and everyone. I think the main point of the post is getting missed - that I am happy doing this. Even if it is hard to do, I know it's necessary.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, yall have some great advice. Thank you for it and your support! =)
You know, Gina, in a lot of ways you live the life I envisioned living. I was once quite ambitious and had big plans. I admire you for making the sacrifices of living out those dreams. I think some of us need to do that and some of need to figure out that that is not the Lord's will for us. The Lord has hit me over the head time and time again about my ambitions, telling me he has a better way for me. It's frustrated me many times, but I am at peace about it most of the time now though.
ReplyDeleteYou asked what motivates us. Well, I'll tell you chasing rugrats all day doesn't motivate me all that much (although I love them dearly) but something I have felt is my calling and something I can do with little ones constantly at my feet is keep seeking the truth, the truth of any and all things. It's what I hunger and thirst for. I read, study, ponder, analyze, talk Brett's ear off about whatever the latest and greatest thing I've read or thought about. I think that's my calling and that's what keeps me going when I don't want to keep doing what I am doing.
You never have been the 9-5 girl and I think it's wonderful that you are embracing it. I am sure one day you'll see the fruits of your labor (hopefully sooner rather than later). It sounds like you have vision. Good luck keeping those eyelids propped open though on the days when so much is required.
I've always looked up to you, Sabrina, for being intelligent and a go-getter. Thanks for being an inspiration.
DeleteAmen sister! I know exactly what your talking about. Just this morning I was checking my calendar & bank account to co-ordinate my bills, & found that my bills are $100 more than what I have in my bank account..so I quickly figured a way to work my full 3 days & my part-time job AND not give up the musical opportunity I have coming in this weekend..:)
ReplyDeleteI KNOW you can do it!
Sugared Magnolia for LIFE!! :)
You rock- and I haven't seen/heard from you in a while. How are things going?
DeleteFunny, I was JUST thinking about this at work. Getting up at 5:45am to kiss ass from hoighty toighty people while getting 4 hours of sleep to do blog/twitter related things is my hell. I look at snow all day while people who have no idea what boot goes on what foot get to play in it is also, hell, but will be worth it in the end. I know it because I want it really bad.
ReplyDeleteI know you already know this, but, I think things pan out when you put your heart in something. I have utmost confidence in my future of people telling me that I am lucky to "have the best job ever" when I know deep down it was hard work and persistance. AND obviously I believe the same will happen for you. Passion leads to success. Quote me on it.
So glad you don't have that boot fitting job anymore. ha!
DeleteAll of you guys rock. I'm a lucky girl. <3
ReplyDeleteIt's important to enjoy what you're doing; it's also important to never lose site of why you're doing what you're doing. If being outdoors more is why you're now stuck indoors...make sure you get outdoors every day. It has taken me a long time to truly prioritize correctly. What I'm doing in school is overwhelming and all consuming and will be tremendously beneficial to my kids. But school isn't more important than actually spending time with my kids every day (when possible) and it isn't more important than my health. Make time for the things that make you happy and that you love everyday. Tomorrow is never guarenteed.
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side of this is that you will almost always regret the things you didn't do more than the things you did do. It's a lousy thing to wonder "what if."
Go get em Bean!
Thanks, cuz!
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